Stories we tell ourselves… and tools for inner peace

One thing’s for sure, the longer I live, the more memories are built, and the more lessons I learn. I still have a lot to learn and the lessons keep on coming. Have you noticed that too?

A wise friend once said, “Earth is the story planet.” We’ve all got stories. Some stories begin with “They hurt my feelings by…” or “They shouldn’t have …” or “How could he/she…”, etc. Stories are memories that are residing in the archives of our past. I don’t know about you, but my archives need a good sweeping out quite often! Some stories are helpful, but many are painful. Running old stories is an activity that ties us to our past? When stuck in the past, it is oftentimes painful, depressing, guilt-ridden, and so on. I don’t want to stay stuck in that, do you?

So how can we clean out the old stories that cause us to suffer and get back to feeling happy? Here’s a method of inquiry devised by Byron Katie that recommends inquiring within our minds and getting to the real truth about our old stories. She has devised an easy 4-step process called “The Work” that helps us keep our thoughts clear and in the present moment. Staying clear and here “now” keeps us in this reality and that is a nice place to be. When our minds are free of cluttered old rerun thoughts, we are free to enjoy THIS moment.

So here’s how to do “The Work” by Byron Katie:

When listening to your stories that run constantly in your mind, check them out by asking yourself:

Is it true?
Can I absolutely know it is really true?
How do I react, and what happens, when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without the thought?
Katie says “Now… turn the original thought around. Write down at least three genuine examples of true turnarounds in regards to your original story / thought.”

Here’s an example:

The story line: My brother should phone me more often than once a year:

Is it true? Well, yes, I think he should call me more often.
Can I absolutely know it’s really true that he should call me more often? Well, no, not absolutely, so maybe it’s not totally and 100% true.
How do I react when I believe my story that my brother should call me more often? I get mad, defensive, and sad.
Who would I be without the thought that my brother should call more often? Well, I’d be more peaceful and happy.
Here are three possible turnarounds for my story that my brother should phone me more often than once a year:

My brother is free to call me whenever he has time.
I should call my brother more often.
My brother does not need to call me more than once a year.
My brother can call whenever he feels like it.
Instead of making my brother wrong, and me right, I can just be okay with whatever is unfolding in the moment. That sure feels more peaceful to me.

There’s a simple way I’ve found to know when I’m heading into an area of suffering. It’s whenever I use the words:

– he / she / they should,
– he / she / they could,
– he / she / they didn’t, etc.

That tells me I’m judging, and that’s where my misery starts.

So if you want to try freeing yourself up for more peace and joy, give “The Work” a try. It has helped people all over the world find inner peace.

Here’s a quote from Byron Katie:

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.”
– Byron Katie

From the Buddha’s Dhammapada

(freely translated by Stephen Mitchell)

“Mind creates the world;
what you see arises with your thoughts.
If you speak and act with a confused mind,
trouble will follow you as certainly
as a cart follows the ox that pulls it.

Mind creates the world;
what you see arises with your thoughts.
If you speak and act with a clear mind,
happiness will follow you as certainly
as your own shadow in sunlight.

“It’s his fault.” “She shouldn’t have done that.”
Believe such thoughts, and you live in resentment.

“It’s his fault.” “She shouldn’t have done that.”
Question such thoughts, and you live in freedom.

Anger teaches anger.
Fear results in more fear.
Only understanding can lead to peace.
This is the ancient law.”

Resources and credits

Byron Katie website
The Work of Byron Katie
Byron Katie: Video – He should be more like him
Stephen Mitchell Books – About

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Copyright ©2014 Lynn Davis Van Gundy • All rights reserved